Part 7: I just had a near-death experience...LET'S GO SHOPPING!

(Author's note: AAAAAAGH my little brother's friend is throwing darts. A tad hard to concentrate. His new name: Videohead. Or Crack-For-Brains. Seriously. "Get off the Xbox." "Okay." "Get off the Xbox. You've been on for more than 2 hours." "I'm almost done." "Get off the Xbox." "I haven't died yet." *turns it off* But enough of that. So yesterday, there was a big explosion. YAY, explosion! William was like totally excited. Anyways. And Ashes is gonna make her debut. At a club. HAHA, which was totally from yesterday's "AMC". Hehehe. So coo. Let us move on. YES no more darts. We're good to go...)

Stolen Movie Plot: "AMC" and "National Treasure"

Ashes wiped some blood from her recent feast off her lip and watched the other clubbers. There were drunk people, high people, underage people, underage people selling fake IDs... Ashes snapped to attention and walked over to the spiky haired youth.
"Hey. Lemme see that ID." The kid smiled.
"Sure." He handed it to her willingly. A little too willingly. Ashes looked it over.
"Hmm...so you're Pierre, a 37 year old French guy? Why do I have a hard time believing that?" Spikey gulped, then regained his composure.
"Yeah. So...how about a drink?"
"I'm gonna have to card you." Now Spikey looked scared.
"Come on, man-" "I'm a girl." "Come on, um, girl, don't card me! I mean...what's your name?" Ashes glared at him.
"Ashes."
"Cool name. Sounds French. And I'm French, so we're practically family!" Ashes smiled.
"Yeah. Yeah, we are. I guess I won't card you." Spikey's face lit up.
"Seriously? Aw, dawg, you rock!" (THERE IT IS AGAIN! 'Dawg'. DO NOT TRUST HIM! BADBADBAD!) He manhugged her. Ashes tightened her grip on his arm and whispered in his ear, "All right, this is what you're going to do for me. You're going to watch my sister," She slipped him a picture. "And don't take your eyes off her. Got it?" Spikey nodded, wiggled out of the man hug (lol, Amber), and ran away.

* * * *

Tyler got out from under the car. There was oil all over his clothes, but at least he was alive. He helped Natalie out from under it as well. Moxie helped herself.

"Wow," She said. "That was loud." Natalie looked around.

"Where's Elmo?" But Elmo wasn't there. Tyler took a second look at the car.

"NO WAY!" He started jumping up and down. "THIS IS MY CAR!" Natalie stared at him in shock. Maybe it was because of the jumping.

"You mean that one Joel from Good Charlotte stole?" "YEAH!"

"Hey," said Joel from Good Charlotte. "I didn't steal your car." Everyone turned to look at him. "I just took it to the club, and now I'm back." Natalie looked at her watch.

"Wow...3 minutes. That was a quick trip." Joel grinned.

"Yeah. It's just across the street." Tyler grabbed Joel's collar.

"Hey man! You just wasted my gas!" Joel whimpered in fright.

"Not true, I filled it back up, I swear." Tyler dropped him.

"Oh...well then. I guess we'll see you later." He opened the door to the driver's seat...and Natalie slipped in. Tyler glared at her. "I was opening it for me." Natalie smiled sweetly.

"Yeah...but you're a sucky driver." There was nothing he could say to that, so Tyler got in the passenger seat. Moxie hopped in the backseat and flashed Joel the "call me" sign before they drove off. Tyler smelled his shirt.

"Dude, my shirt stinks. I need to change." Natalie shook her head.

"No, Elmo might still be there." Tyler thought a minute.

"We could go shopping..." Natalie rolled her eyes.

"I'd like to go shopping, too, but we have no money." (OOOOOOWNED! Direct "National Treasure" quote. The very awesome Lauren, at your service. *bows*)

"Not true," Moxie piped up. "I picked Charlie's pockets." No one corrected her and told her the dead man's name was in fact Aragorn, not Charlie, because they were too shocked about what she said. Tyler was the first to react.

"You robbed my dad?" (Harry Potter quote, coming up) Natalie gave him a sympathetic glance.

"But Tyler...your dad's dead." (Here we go) Tyler looked away angrily.

"I KNOW! I'm just telling you what I saw." Which didn't make any sense. But we're not going to say anything more about that. Moxie shook her head.

"No, silly billy, there's a note in here." Tyler read the note aloud.

"'If I'm ever killed by a serial killer, please give this wallet to my only son Tyler.' Oh, well that settles that." There was about $300 in the wallet, enough for 3 or more new outfits. Moxie snuggled down in the backseat.

"I'm hungry. When will we get there? This car smells weird."

(HAHAHAHA! That was the best one YET! I think, anyways. I'll probably get a bunch of comments on how much this blog stinks. Yes, stinks. I'm listening to that lecture, hm? Although my profile did say I've gotten 20 more hits since like yesterday? Hm... Maybe. I hope people are reading this...besides William and Amber. Cuz that would rock. ANYWAYS. Tomorrow: Spikey enlists the help of Pete...from Fall Out Boy. Haha, you thought I was going to say Pete the Rapping White Boy, didn'tcha? And Moxie gets to go SHOPPING! And there might be that changing room scene from "National Treasure"...but it doesn't really apply.)

Part 6: Oops...wasn't me... *explosion*

(Author's note: I forgot to put this here AGAIN! How's it going, anyway? The trio FINALLY saw a dead body yesterday ((I think that's a good thing. Maybe. Yaaaaaaay...)) and then Tyler fainted for some reason. Hm... Ooh, shocker. Today there should be an explosion.)

Stolen Movie Plot: Actually, it's pretty much all original today. Kinda. I'm still ashamed of it. Maybe a few things from "LOTR"... Or not. And an EXPLOSION! "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

"Tyler...Tyler...TYLER!" Tyler opened his eyes groggily. He could see two blurry shapes leaning over him... He rubbed his eyes and groaned in disappointment. "Oh...it's only you guys..." Natalie rolled her eyes. "You were expecting...?" Tyler didn't answer and got to his feet. Then he glanced at the hole containing the body and felt sick again. Moxie and Natalie caught him. Tyler wiped away a tear. "I still can't believe he's actually dead." "Um...who?" Moxie asked. Tyler pointed at Charlie. Natalie nodded. "Yeah...he's pretty dead." Tyler shook his head and turned away dramatically. "You don't understand!" He wiped away another tear, hoping someone would ask why he was crying. "Tyler, why are you crying?" Natalie asked. Tyler stared at the ground. "That man...is...my...father." There was an awkward silence. Moxie smiled. "Ooooh...so THAT'S why you kept fainting!" She clapped her hands. "This is SO EXCITING! I finally get it now." Tyler stared at her. "What are you talking about? This isn't Martin 'Charlie' Elessar!" Both Natalie and Moxie froze. "It's not?" "No! This is my father!" More silence. "We get that, Tyler-" "MY FATHER'S NAME ISN'T MARTIN ELESSAR! HIS NAME WAS ARAGORN!" Moxie looked confused again. "But isn't Aragorn a-" "SHUT UP, MOXIE!" Both Natalie and Tyler screamed. Natalie was just as confused as Moxie. "Then...who's 'Charlie'?" Before Tyler could answer, a voice behind them said, "That's nothing you need to know." All of them turned. There stood Elmo in his scary stalker glory. Elmo smiled. Moxie and Natalie hid behind Tyler, since he was the biggest. Elmo stared at him. "YOU!" Tyler smiled weakly. "Which comes after tea? Gotta go." He grabbed the girls and started running. Elmo smiled and pulled a grenade out of his backpack, pulled the pin, and started counting to himself.
"1...2...5! Wait, I mean 3!" He threw the grenade. That's when the explosion hit.

(HAHAHAHAHA I don't have to tell you if they're alive or not! Until tomorrow. Tomorrow: Ashes makes her debut, someone might die, yadayadayada.)

Part 5: Your mother was a hamster and...hey, where are you going?

(Author's note: Yeah, I totally would've posted last night, but I was tired and I'd just gotten home ((at the late, late time of 8:00 P.M.)) and I didn't want to. I still don't have a movie plot. So I'm desperately thinking of one while I stall away here, but nothing is coming to mind and I forgot what happened on Friday. Didn't Tyler get that silly little phone call that was totally at the last minute all "Cellular"? Yes, I remember that part. And now they're trying to figure out how to save Moxie. I thought it was cool how her phone number was the title of a song. Maybe her real name's Jenny? Eh. Maybe. No. I dunno. What this soap really needs...are some explosions. YAAAAY, EXPLOSIONS! Talk about awesome. And some vampires. Maybe someone needs to die. Or I could steal the plot from another soap. DUDE, I TOTALLY COULD! Hurray for AMC reruns!)

Stolen plot: "AMC" (ABC soap), "Material Girls", "Stand By Me"

Moxie repeatedly slammed her doggy crate against the wall (who said serial killers weren't creative?). She appeared to be in some kind of truck. Only it wasn't moving. She wondered if the door was locked. Door...lock... The words triggered something in her brain.
"Duh!" She manuevered her cramped fingers and managed to unlock the metal door. Moxie wriggled out of the doggy crate and glared at it spitefully. "The jerk. I at least deserve a large dog crate." (She'd been given a small one. Ouch) She looked around. There were packing boxes marked for Gondor everywhere, so the truck must be headed for Gondor. She threw herself against the door. Surprisingly it opened. Moxie fell to the ground and groaned.
"I think I broke something..." She whimpered slightly when she saw the broken heel. Then she sobered. "Whatever." After throwing away the useless shoes, she decided to head for the park and get some fresh air. She hoped Tyler had gotten her phone call. Maybe she should call him again to tell him she was all right.

* * * *

Tyler was driving way too fast, but he seemed not to care. Natalie winced as they narrowly missed a Hostess truck with its back doors wide open, putting the packing boxes marked for Gondor on display. "Tyler, slow down, you're going to get us killed." Tyler gulped.

"I'm sorry, I drive badly when under stress!" He swerved again, trying to avoid a kitten.

"Well, think 'Driving Miss Daisy', not '2 Fast 2 Furious'." Suddenly, Tyler's cell phone rang. Natalie pounced on it. "Keep driving, I've got it!"

"Well, what if it's for me?"

"Do you honestly know anyone willing to call you?"

"Good point." Natalie opened the phone. (Oooh, flip phone)

"Hey Natalie! I was expecting Tyler, but I guess I got you instead!" Natalie let out a little scream, which is what girls do in such situations, tho no one knows why.

"MOXIE! Where the heck are you?"

"Well, I was in some truck filled with packing boxes..." Natalie groaned.

"We just passed that truck!" She covered the phone with her hand to tell Tyler to slow down. "Sorry, what else were you going to say?"

"Well, actually, now I'm on the sidewalk and I'm headed for the park."

"WHAT?"

"You know, get some fresh air and stuff." She paused. "Whoa, gotta go, there's something interesting going on."

"Moxie, wait-" Too late. Moxie had already hung up. Natalie screamed in frustration. Tyler slammed on the brakes.

"QUIT SCREAMING, you're messin with my driving!"

"Tyler, turn around, Moxie's at the park!"

"What?"

"That's what she said. Now turn around!"

* * * *

Moxie hid behind some bushes and watched as two people dug a deep hole beneath the swings. After digging for about five minutes, they seem to be satisfied and disappeared. Moxie frowned, wondering what they were doing, but kept quiet as the two people came back, carrying something big. They dumped whatever it was in the ground and started to cover it up. Suddenly, they both looked up, as if they'd heard something, and ran away, leaving their shovels behind. Moxie waited until she was sure they were gone and ran over to the hole. One little peek won't hurt anyone, she thought. She peeked. Then she screamed.

* * * *

Joel from Good Charlotte and one of his friends sat on the sidewalk. "Man," Joel said. "We need a ride to go the club tonight." His friend nodded. Suddenly, Tyler pulled up. He and Natalie got out of the car. Joel saw an oppurtuniy and took it.

"Hey, dawg, I'll park your car." (Rule number one...never trust anyone using the word DAWG.) Tyler looked relieved.

"Thanks." He tossed Joel the keys. Joel smiled triumphantly and drove away. Natalie finallly noticed what was going on.

"TYLER! Those guys just stole your car!" Tyler was confused.

"You mean those weren't valets?" That's when Moxie screamed. The two of them jumped. Natalie gasped.

"That was Moxie!" She ran towards the playground, followed by the very confused Tyler. Moxie was sitting by the hole under the swings, sobbing. Natalie knelt by her friend.

"Moxie, what's wrong?" Moxie pointed at the hole. Natalie looked and saw the dead body of Martin "Charlie" Elessar (finally). His shirt had ridden up and there was a badly stitched scar on his abdomen. Elmo had gotten him good. Natalie gulped back tears. Tyler took one look at the body and felt sick. Both of the girls looked at him.

"Tyler, you okay?" Moxie asked. Tyler nodded.

And fainted.

(That wasn't that bad. I had to use "Stand By Me"...again. Oh well. This is never going to air on Daytime. But I'm just doing this for fun. It's not like anyone reads this anyway. Besides Amber and William ((QUIT POSTING ON MY BLOG, WILLIAM!)). Tomorrow: There's going to be an explosion and all that. I don't know what yet. Cya.)

Part 4: There's a serial killer in my kitchen, should I be scared?

(Author's note: Eh, pretty soon I'm not going to need the author's note thing. :P I wonder if anyone actually reads this blog. Probably not. Which is sad. Because this blog is for you guys. *sniff* Leave me! Anyways. So yesterday Natalie locked herself in Tyler's apartment to hide from a someone whistling "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds". We don't know why. Well, you probably do. Which stinks. And Moxie got home from a disappointing date with Garbanzo to find Elmo in her kitchen. And now I have to write this post even though I don't want to cuz I'm really tired. AND I have to think of a stolen movie plot. BUT I CAN'T! Oh, I just thought of one. It's vague, but it works. Hurray.)

Stolen Movie Plot: "Cellular"

"What the heck are you talking about, Natalie?" Tyler asked incredulously. Then he remembered his earlier conversation with Natalie and Moxie. "Wait...you mean, Moxie wasn't kidding when she said you guys were looking for a dead body?" Natalie nodded. "This is so...insane."
"You still have yet to answer my question."
"What question?"
"The one involving FAINTING and MARTIN 'CHARLIE' ELESSAR!!!"
"And why did you just lock yourself in my apartment because you heard some guy whistling a Beatles song?" They glared at each other for a full 30 seconds. Then Tyler blinked. Natalie laughed.
"You blinked. That means I win." Tyler didn't laugh. He appeared to be thinking.
"Could it be you were scared because Beatles-man was looking for you and you didn't want him to find you?" Natalie rolled her eyes.
"Good job, a two-year-old could've figured out as much."
"I wasn't finished. I heard your answering machine message while I was sitting outside in the hall. I'm thinking Beatles-man is really Elmo, your ex-boyfriend, the guy who killed your cousin, and now he's coming for you." Natalie smiled.
"Wow, you're very good at this." She didn't appear to be bothered, which frustrated Tyler.
"Um, this is a soap opera, and I'm trying to act out a very dramatic scene here."
"It's about to get really dramatic, just wait."
"Okay, sorry." Tyler mumbled. Natalie got into character, then realized something.
"The first place Elmo would've gone to look for me is at my apartment." Tyler shrugged.
"Then don't go there." Natalie gazed at him desperately.
"But Moxie probably just got home from her date and probably wanted to tell me how it went!" She ran for the door and unlocked it. Tyler followed her.
"Wait, what are you doing?" Natalie opened the door.
"Saving Moxie!!!" (Wow, talk about drama. Waah I'm tired.)

* * * *

Natalie took out her key and tried to unlock the door with shaking hands. Tyler was looking around nervously.

"HURRY UP!" Natalie finally unlocked the door.

"Yes!" She opened the door and went inside, finding...nothing. "Oh no..." Tyler examined the room.

"No blood, no dead bodies, no serial killer...were you lying or did we just get Punk'd?" Natalie ran into every room, hoping to find Moxie, or at least a sign she was still alive.

"Moxie! Where the heck are you?" Alas, the apartment was empty. Moxie was gone. She fell to her knees dramatically. Tyler clapped for her.

"Nice job, that was REALLY dramatic." His cellphone rang. "Hold on a minute." He took it out. "Hello?" It was a girl.

"SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Tyler frowned.

"Who is this?" Dial tone... The girl had hung up. Natalie jumped up and looked at his phone.

"867-5309...that's Moxie's number!" She wrenched the cellphone from Tyler's hands and dialed the number again. No one picked up. She gave the phone back to Tyler. "We have to find her."

"Don't get me wrong, I totally would, but how?" They sat there thinking about that, but no ideas came to mind.

(Sorry that was shorter and dumb, but I'm really tired and I want to go to bed...or watch Ellen. Or both. Yay. Tomorrow: Tyler and Natalie search for Moxie and Moxie uses her new gift of luck, bla bla bla. Maybe I'll add Ashes to the mix. *yawns* Tomorrow I'm going to write it at a later time, tho.)

Part 3: Why'd you choose my twin sister over me, we look exactly alike!

(Author's note: Yaaaaaay I added Tyler hehehe. I keep forgetting to put these things before I start soaping, so I have to go back and do them, which is ANNOYING. I FOUND THE PARTY HATS OF DEATH! Which is a good thing. *phew* Anyways, Tyler just fainted and while Natalie is lugging him to her apartment ((don't get any ideas)), Moxie's getting ready for her date with Garbanzo. And here we have a typical blonde situation. Just read on. Sorry, I like stereotypes!)

Stolen movie plot: "Legally Blonde", a teeny tiny reference to "Josie and the Pussycats" and a few snippets from "Just my Luck"

Moxie entered her apartment, still giggling. She didn't notice that her door had been wrenched off its hinges or that someone had ripped up all the pillows and cushions on the couch. She went into her room, ignoring the threatening message in red paint on the wall. There was a peach colored dress that she'd never seen before lying on her bed in a dry cleaner's bag. Moxie frowned.
"Ew, that is so not my dress...peach is totally not the color you wear for the most important night of her life." She picked up the dress and threw it in the trash, failing to realize that it belonged to Sarah Jessica Parker. (*gasp*) She ended up wearing....black (ooh, you thought I was going to say pink, didn't you ?) and straightening her hair. When she was ready, she went downstairs and stepped out onto the sidewalk to hail a cab. Fortunately, four of them had already stopped in front of her. Moxie suddenly changed her mind and skipped towards a horse and carriage. The carriage horse looked depressed, so she slipped it a B-Vitamin. Those always made her feel better. Then she turned and smiled at the carriage driver, who was eating a hot dog.
"Excuse me, I need a ride." The carriage driver dropped his hot dog and grabbed the reins eagerly. (Okay, that didn't happen in "Just My Luck", but it probably would've)
"Where to?" She told him the name of the resturant (I HATE THAT WORD) and sat back to enjoy the ride.

* * * *

Natalie had finally managed to drag Tyler all the way to apartment (hmm, I didn't know she knew where he lived? Maybe she stole his wallet...which makes no sense. I need a B-Vitamin.). Unfortunately, when she opened the door, he woke up.

"Ow, my head hurts...where the heck am I? Why are you going in there? And why do I have major rug burn?" Natalie slumped against the wall, her arms aching.

"I don't know anymore." Suddenly she stood up straight. "Wait...why did you faint when I said the name Martin 'Charlie' Elessar?" Tyler looked away.

"I didn't faint." Which was a total lie, seeing as he had just been dragged down two flights of stairs and across the hall.

"Uh huh," Natalie scoffed. "Sure..." Awkward silence. "Would you please get up?"

"Oh yeah...sure." He quickly got to his feet. Then he paused. "That's weird...why is someone whistling 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds'?" Natalie grinned.

"Maybe cuz they're on LSD?" Then she froze. "OH MY GOSH! Hurry, get inside!" She shoved Tyler towards the door. Tyler was confused.

"What?" "JUST GET INSIDE!" She sounded desperate, so Tyler went inside. Natalie followed him and locked the door. The whistling got louder until they could hear it clearly. Then it stopped. Tyler took off his hat and ran his hand over his [beautiful] short spiky hair.

"Um...could you please explain to me what just happened?" Natalie was hyperventilating. Tyler got her a paper bag. Once she could breathe normally again, she put the bag down and looked at him.

"How would you like to go with me to find a dead body?"

* * * *

Moxie sat at a table for two with Garbanzo, trying not to squeal. She was so excited her hands were shaking. Garbanzo took a sip of wine.

"Moxie, I called you here tonight to tell you something very important." Even though Garbanzo was Italian, he'd been raised by his British governess and spoke with a British accent. Moxie nodded excitedly. Garbanzo took a deep breath.

"Moxie, I'm getting married-" "The answer is yes." Both people stared at one another. Garbanzo spoke first.

"The answer is yes...to what? So you do want to order a chicken salad?" Moxie gaped at him.

"You're getting MARRIED? To who?" "A very, very nice girl I met on my last fashion tour in England. Her name is Ashes." Moxie was sobbing now.

"But that's...THAT'S MY TWIN SISTER!" She buried her face in her hands. Garbanzo patted her arm.

"You see, it's not that bad. I'm sure you and your sister get along fine-" "NO, I HATE HER!" She stood up and walked out of the resturant. Garbanzo followed her.

"Moxie, at least let me give you a ride home." No answer, just sniffles. "You must understand, I'm looking for a Jackie, not a Marilyn." More sniffles. "You'll break a heel." Moxie stopped and finally consented to being driven home.

When she got to her apartment building, she planned to go see Natalie and tell her what had happened. Only Natalie wasn't home. "Natalie?" She called, looking around nervously.

"Hello, Moxie," a creepy voice said. Moxie jumped. There in the kitchen was Elmo, sharpening a knife. "I'm looking for Natalie. Hope you don't mind your losing your liver..."

(The plot thickens, bla bla bla, tomorrow Moxie gets attacked by Elmo and the search for the dead body begins. Ooh, fun.)

Part 2: Wow, Jason Dunne lives in my apartment complex!

(Author's note: So we know yesterday, Elmo apparently killed Natalie's third cousin twice removed ((from here on out referred to as her "cousin")) and now she's all freaked out. Um I need some form of Tyler plot. No, thanks, I DIDN'T plan this before hand. HEY, quit throwing tomatoes! *tomatoes explode on campfire* Oh that's nice! You got ashes on my tomato! Sam: Mine's burst.)

Stolen movie plot: "Stand By Me"

Natalie and Moxie stared at the phone in horror. Natalie was the first to break the silence.
"Oh my gosh...HE TOTALLY JUST KILLED MY COUSIN!"
"He's your third cousin-"
"YES, I KNOW, Moxie, but some of us actually read the author's note." Moxie wrinkled her nose.
"Ew, who reads those?" Natalie stared at her friend. Moxie seemed not to notice. "Well, there hasn't been like a notice in the paper. You know, like those obituary things?"
"THAT'S CUZ HE LIVES IN GONDOR!" Moxie gasped.
"I thought that was a made up place."
"Well, it is," Natalie whispered, hoping the author wouldn't hear. "But saying it's real makes things interesting." Moxie nodded.
"Okay, I get that...then where do we live?"
"A made up town in a made up state right next to New York." Moxie clapped her hands.
"I love make believe!" Then she got serious. "So, no one knows where his dead body is?"
"Probably not."
"THEN LET'S GO LOOK FOR IT!" Natalie blinked.
"Um...why?" "Hello, cuz neither of us have ever seen a dead body before. And it will be cool! We can dodge trains and stuff!" Natalie crossed her arms over her chest.
"We are NOT walking all the way to Gondor."
"Fine then, we'll take the train!" She smiled, and started singing her favorite Hawk Nelson song off key. "TAKE THE TRAIN, GO SEPERATE WAYS, LEAVE IT LONG FORGOTTEN, I'LL TAKE MY HAT AND I WON'T BE BACK ON MY WAY OUT!"
"Moxie, stop!" Moxie stopped and looked hurt.
"I'm not that bad."
"Uh, yeah you are, but listen." They both listened and heard another voice singing the exact same song where Moxie had left off. Only this person was singing on key. And it was a guy.
"FEELING LAME, AM I TO BLAME, OR AM I JUST TOO JADED, I WON'T BE BACK, WHAT'CHA THINK OF THAT?" He paused, then went for the high note, singing softer now. "When it FEELS like life's wasting away, I will saaaaaaaaaaaaaay..." Natalie put a finger to her lips and motioned for Moxie to follow her. They tiptoed to the door and opened it. Some guy was sitting in the hall, belting his guts out, looking very sexy doing so. (I just had to say it. <:D Party hats of doom!) Natalie cleared her throat. The stellar tenor man stopped singing immediately.
"Oh...sorry...I, um, just heard you singing and I couldn't help myself..." He trailed off, looking embarassed. An awkward silence ensued. Moxie finally broke the ice.
"Hey, I'm Moxie. Oh my gosh, I love that hat!" Tenor-man's hand flew to his head, then he relaxed.
"Um...thanks? I'm Tyler." (HAHAHA! I DID IT! TALK ABOUT AWESOMENESS!) Natalie smiled.
"I'm Natalie. You're really good. At singing, that is." Tyler didn't smile back. More awkward silence. Moxie broke it again after a few minutes.
"We were going to go search for the dead body of Natalie's cousin, but I guess that will have to wait." Tyler frowned.
"Wha? Dead body?" Natalie shivered.
"Yeah, um, my ex killed my cousin." Tyler looked at her.
"What was his name?"
"Martin..."Charlie"...Elessar." Tyler looked like he was going to throw up or blow up, or maybe both. Instead, he fainted. Both girls stared at his prostrate form.
"Well," said Moxie. "I would like to help you, but I have a date tonight." Natalie raised an eyebrow.
"With who?" Moxie giggled.
"GARBANZO! I mean, I really think this is the night he's going to ask me!" Natalie paused.
"Ask you what?" Moxie rolled her eyes.
"To marry him, DUH! You're such a dork." Before Natalie could protest, her best friend had scampered (blondes do that. They scamper.) into the elevator to prepare for her date.

(So that was today. I guess I kind of lied when I said that Garbanzo would tell Moxie that shocking thing. But I didn't REALLY lie cuz I'm going to add that part later today. I swear. Really. It's just that I got carried away with Tyler. Hmmm, why did he faint when he heard about Natalie's dead...cousin. Time to say my favorite phrase: THE PLOT THICKENS. Actually, my favorite phrase is "eh" or "gah" or "Party hats of doom" or "Potatoes are the ultimate party food", but I forgot if I put that party hats thing on my blog or not. :( Sadness. Later today: Garbanzo and Moxie...yeah won't go over THAT again. And possible appearance of Elmo.)

Part 1: So my ex is visiting, which knife should I use?

(Author's note: Oh boy...how am I supposed to start this...hm I was all excited about this and now I've complained about writer's block on like three people's blogs...including mine. Gah. *listens* What is that sound? William, are you watching canadian cartoons? *silence* Turn them off. *William: They're cool!* Gah. Again. Here we go again, more evolution crap. "I BEEN AROUND 5 BILLION YEARS!" Sure...oh you just owned by God, He's been around longer, hm? *stalling* Uh, por que? THAT IS SO MUCH FUN TO SAY? So Nathan, what does it mean. *Nathan: Why.* Cuz I like how it sounds. *Nathan: Why.* Cuz I like to say it. *Nathan: No, WHY. IT MEANS WHY!* Oh...por que! Slight fact that should make things more interesting: Natalie gets premonitions like Bruce Willis in "Unbreakable", except she gets them before they happen and she doesn't have to stand in the mall waiting for people to slam into her. I know that's lame, but it explains why she's been sitting in front of the TV for three days. Watching cartoons. Candian ones. *shivers* That's just horrible. Enjoy.)

Stolen movie plot: Snippets from "Silence of the Lambs" and "St. Elmo's Fire"*

Natalie was sitting watching annoying Canadian cartoons when her best friend Moxie Crimefighter (thank you Penn) walked in. Moxie looked at her best friend and groaned.
"NATALIE! I told you to stop." Natalie didn't even turn around.
"What, watching Canadian cartoons?"
"No, wearing those sandals! They totally don't match any of your outfits! And what's with the polyester? That's just WRONG." Natalie didn't even blink. Moxie looked around. There was a plate of bacon and eggs on the table, only the eggs had turned green and there were flies and maggots dancing on the bacon. (could happen) The fridge was open and what had once been a puddle of spilled orange juice was now a sticky puddle of spilled orange juice, one that could only be removed after three hours of Swiffering. Moxie stared at Natalie in disgust.
"Is there a reason your kitchen looks like crap?"
"Geez, that was blunt."
"No seriously, it looks like nobody's been home for three...days...NATALIE, LOOK AT ME!" Natalie finally turned.
"What?"
"Have you been watching TV for three days?" Natalie shrugged.
"Um...yeah..."
"Natalie, just because you have ESPN doesn't mean this is acceptable for a beautiful young woman such as yourself." Natalie blinked. She only had basic cable. Then she got on.
"It's ESP, Moxie. ESPN is a sports channel."
"Whatever." (I love stereotypes...for the most part.) "What did your premonition say this time?" Even tho Moxie had an IQ of 6 or less, she knew surprisingly big words like "premonition" and "decimate". Example: I am going to decimate that dress if you ever decide to wear it again.
"If I watch Canadian cartoons for three days straight, I won't miss a very important phone call." Just then, the phone rang. Moxie picked it up.
"Hello?" It was Donald Trump. And he had only one thing to say.
"You're fired." Dial tone.... Moxie hung up.
"You are such a loser!!!!! You haven't been to work in three days, NO DUH YOU'RE GOING TO GET FIRED!" She paused. "I didn't know you worked for Donald Trump." Natalie turned off the TV.
"There's a lot of things you don't know about me," she said in a slightly disturbing tone. Moxie backed away.
"Um, sorry, I don't roll that way." Just then, the phone rang again. Natalie picked it up this time and put it on speakerphone.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Natalie...it's Elmo..." Moxie gasped.
"No way! Elmo's calling your house? I love that little red monster! That is sooo cool! That's weird... He sounds so much different on television." Natalie rolled her eyes.
"Not that Elmo." Moxie thought.
"OH! You mean that freaky long haired freak you used to date." Natalie winced. Elmo had heard all of that.
"Yep, that's the one." She removed her hand from the phone's thing (11:32 A.M...it's too early for me to be up). "Hello, Elmo...um, how are you?"
"Obsessed, thank you." Natalie was silent. She didn't know quite how to respond to that. Thankfully, she didn't have to.
"You know your cousin Charlie?" Natalie shook her head, even though she knew he couldn't see her.
"Um...no."
"Sure you do. He's your third cousin twice removed." Silence again. This conversation was getting pretty weird. "Anyway, I killed him and cut out his liver, which I ate with fava beans." Natalie hoped Elmo was kidding. He wasn't. "Anyway, I'm going to be visiting this week. I hope we'll be spending...LOTS of time together..." Dial tone... Natalie hung up.
"Okay...that was weird." Moxie looked intrigued.
"Ooooh! You should look in the phone book to see if you really have a third cousin twice removed named Charlie!"
"How is that going to help?"
"You could get his phone number. Maybe he's cute! Or you could look at your family tree."
"What family tree?"
"The one in the fridge under the spoiled milk." Natalie stared at her friend, then looked at the fridge. Sure enough, the corner of what looked like a thick piece of paper peeked out from under the now spoiled milk. Moxie retrieved it, giggling.
"Quit giggling, Moxie."
"I can't, it's a blonde thing!" Natalie unfolded the paper and found a huge family tree. She could see her name in the middle, but she couldn't find a Charlie anywhere.
"What the heck? I don't have a cousin named Charlie." "Technically, he's your third cousin twice removed." "SHUT UP MOXIE!" "THERE HE IS!" Natalie looked again.
"Um...where?" "See, there on the left! Martin "Charlie" Elessar! Oooh, and it has his phone number here, too! THIS IS SO COOL, we're like detectives or something." Natalie picked up the phone and dialed the number on the family tree.
"Well, I better make sure he's okay...I mean, what if Elmo really did cut out his liver and eat it?" The phone rang once. Then twice. Then three times. And it kept ringing. Natalie shrugged. "I guess he's not home." Then the answering machine picked up.
"Hi, this is Elmo at the home of Martin "Charlie" Elessar. I just killed him and cut out his liver, which I ate with fava beans. Bye. Thanks for calling. Please leave a message after the beep."

(Wow...that sucked. Stunk. Whatever. I'll just say something uh mysterious? The, um, plot thickens. Ooooh...
Tomorrow (or maybe later today, if I get bored): Elmo comes to visit, Moxie goes out with Garbanzo and finds out something SHOCKING, which I'm sure you already know if you read the first post. Yeah. And I have to fit Tyler in there somewhere.)

Meet the Cast

Aaaaaaaaaah, it's ELMO! This is Natalie's ex and now STALKER. He plays a very important part in this film. Soap. Blog.
This is Garbanzo, famous Italian supermodel (hahaha we all know he's not Italian...and garbanzo is probably not an Italian word...), who's marrying Ashes. He's also the guy Moxie Crimefighter happens to be madly in love with.
This is Moxie Crimefighter (right), lol I totally stole that name off Penn's (of Penn and Teller) daughter, and her evil twin sister Ashes, who is marrying Garbanzo. Moxie is our resident dumb blonde. (I had to use some stereotype. I was going to cast Hilary Duff, but wouldn't that be typecasting. But AJ was perfect. And Aly was perfect for the evil twin cuz I don't LIKE HER.)
Gaaah I downloaded these in the wrong order oh well you'll READ this in the wrong order. Here we have Tyler, the most amazing character ever. Is quite skilled in all areas, even singing (:O SHOCKER). But that is his hidden talent. Yes, he's very ashamed of it.
And here we have the lovely Natalie, our main character, she likes french bread.
So I hope you like my pretty stellar (haha or not so stellar) soap, first "episode" tomorrow.