Part 32: THEY WERE IN A DROID FACTORY!!! (read on)

(Author’s note: Wow. I’ve spent a good portion of my day on the cpu. Not playing “The Movies” or surfing the Net, but writing this stupid soap. Well, I did actually look up lyrics online for half an hour, and then I had to go online to post, but THAT WAS IT. My mom just got out of surgery ((the time is 3:29 as I write this)) and my dad is calling whenever something happens. But she’s okay ((I bet they didn’t even give her ice cream…jerks. Nah, they probably did, I actually like doctors.)) I don’t know, maybe it was a good thing she broke her ankle cuz it’s helping me prepare for the future. I have to do more stuff now and it’s building up my empathy meter. Not a lot, but it’s slowly building. And I don’t know, maybe this is training for future momdom? IF I HAVE KIDS. Which I hope I do. If I don’t have them, I’ll just adopt. If Madonna got to cheat adoption laws, I should be able to, too, and get like 6 kids. ANYWAYS. Last time, Tyler came back ((YESSSS)), John Stamos came and might be able to save Puss, even tho he has no idea what he’s doing, and stuff… Nothing that good. For this next one, there will FINALLY be a “National Treasure” scene of kidnapping Pamela Anderson ((I know that didn’t happen in the movie…whatever)) and crap like that. Blah I want to play with the Starmaker! SO I SHALL! *makes stars of all the soap characters* Aaaaactually I only made one of Moxie and it looked pretty bad. I made this one of Tyler tho, and I couldn’t find the right hairstyle, so he has a do rag. It’s gangsta. And Natalie looks pretty good. Yeaaaaah… Stalling…)
Stolen Movie Plot: “National Treasure” (FINALLY), “ER” (I KNOW, IT’S NOT A MOVIE, GET OFF MY CASE), and uh…stuff…and I guess some “House”, too. More “Attack of the Clones” (ROFL) and “National Treasure” (only KIND of "National Treasure" like. CAUTION: this will be one LOOONG episode)
Special Guest Stars: Usher…dancing in his whitey-tighties…LOL don’t ask. No, he’s not really in this episode. OH, THAT HOUSE GUY. Isn’t he like Hugh Laurie or whatever? I’ll get the name right later. And that Jango-Fett dude. Temuera Morrison, that’s the chap. And Nicole Kidman... Sorry...


John sat nervously in a corner of the ambulance. It was good that they’d gotten one so fast, but the hospital, it seemed, was a little low on paramedics. That’s what they’d said, anyway. “But that’s okay,” They’d told him. “You’re from ‘ER’, right?” John had argued, “That doesn’t mean I know what I’m doing,” but they had stopped listening moments before. Rats.
Puss was lying on a stretcher, his wound bleeding badly. Moxie glanced at him nervously. (She and the twins had opted for riding in the ambulance with John. Dole was driving and Chad was following them on Spirit.)
“Well? Do something!” John shook his head.
“I don’t know how.”
“Just do something!! I know! Here’s a Band-Aid!” She handed him a Band-Aid. John took it tentatively.
“Okay…what do I do with this?”
“JOHN!”
“Kidding.” Dole turned around in the driver’s seat.
“HEY! Knock it off back there.” Krillin turned, too.
“We will TURN this car around, Mister!” John pointed at Moxie.
“She started it.” Moxie rolled her eyes, took the Band-Aid, and spread it over Puss’ wound. However, it didn’t staunch the blood flow like she’d hoped it would. You need a tourniquet, her inner House said. She always listened to her inner house. And, since she was incredibly lucky as of Episode _, she would be successful if she found one. She saw John’s scrubs and reached for them.
“Take ‘em off.” John recoiled.
“What? Why?”
“GIVE ME YOUR SCRUBS!” Thankfully, he was wearing clothes UNDER the scrubs (don’t know why, but this is a PG-rated soap. No shirtless John Stamoses here.). Moxie pressed the blue material on Puss’ wound. The blood flow slowed and Puss started breathing easier. What a miracle. Dole did an excellent parallel park and hopped out of the ambulance.
“Hurry it up, let’s move, move, MOVE!” They obeyed. Dr. Gregory House was waiting for them.
“Is that a stab wound? Okay. I can do stab wounds. Let’s have some unnecessary surgery while I find out what’s REALLY wrong with him.” John looked intrigued.
“How will you do that?” House smiled.
“Just what I said…unnecessary surgery.” Puss woke up for a second time.
“You see that kid? That kid over there? Yeah. He’s on crack!” House smiled.
“Why, thank you.” This did not bode well for their kitty friend. Chad suddenly burst into the ER, looking quite mad.
“Where’s Spirit?” Asked Krillin. Chad was out of breath…and angry.
“He’s busy watching a football player with some weird disease that will require unnecessary surgery.” House’s eyes twinkled.
“That sounds like fun.” Suddenly, he was being shoved against the wall.
“Dude,” said Chad, whose ample fist was holding him against the solid white surface. “Under no circumstances are you not helping my friend. Just HEAL HIS WOUND!” John was scratching his head.
“Did we forget something?” Moxie shook her head.
“I don’t think so.”
“I think we did.”
“You did,” said Mary-Kate. John groaned.
“How do we always forget you?”
“Yeah,” agreed Moxie. “You’re kind of hard to miss/forget.” House looked pleased.
“Finally, Mary-Kate, what took you so long? Come on, I have a new patient for you.” He chuckled, seeing all their frightened faces. “That’s right. Mary-Kate is going to perform the surgery.” He and the murderess laughed maniacally. Things looked grim. And they were about to get grimmer.

* * * *

Natalie was still in a state of shock.
“What…no…TYLER? But…what…no…TYLER?” The phrase came out multiple times. Tyler slapped her.
“CUT IT OUT!” Then he looked stricken. “OH MY GOSH DIDN’T MEAN TO DO THAT!” Natalie rubbed her cheek.
“No, it actually kind of helped. But come on, Tyler. I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD.” Tyler looked away guiltily.
“I know, but-“
“You could’ve at least CALLED me.!”
“I know, but-“
“You know, we have to practice for that play.”
“I know, but-“
“However, I’m glad you’re back, Tyler.” Tyler blinked. The sudden mood swing was a bit unsettling, but he was glad it had happened when it did. Unfortunately, he was still a little low in the romance skills department.
“Um…thanks.” And the moment was gone. No hug, no nothing. (Am I the only one upset about this? Merawr.) Tyler cleared his throat nervously. “We’d better go. They were going to burn you up, you know.” Natalie nodded.
“Yeah, thanks for reminding me.” More awkward silence. Suddenly, Geonosians started pouring down from the walls. Natalie screamed.
“EW, BUGS!” Tyler just stood and watched the crazy alien beings zip around the room.
“Didn’t this happen in a movie once?” A door suddenly opened at the end of the hall. Trying to escape the slimy creatures, the two of them ran to the door, only to find…
THEY WERE IN A DROID FACTORY!!!
And now back to the characters that REALLY matter.

* * * *

Victor straightened his boutonniere (how DO you spell that?) and looked in the bathroom mirror. Major Pepperidge (who was wearing a turban as to be less conspicuous) grinned, even though the turban was blocking his line of vision.
“How do you look?” Victor flashed his reflection the “call me” sign before exiting the bathroom and going straight to the bar.
Now, you may be wondering, “Where is Sean in all this?” Sean, being a baby genius, was in a van Victor had “borrowed” from a car dealership, hacking into the security system of the club they were at (thankfully, not Ashes’), and listening in on every single one of Victor’s conversations. The plan was to sneak into a Hollywood party (done), lure Pamela Anderson away with a donut (every movie star wants one…they just don’t know it yet), shoot her with a taser, and try to drag her all the way to the van without anyone noticing. Victor looked around the club and suddenly felt foolish. He was very, VERY overdressed.
It wasn’t as if the scanty party dresses and lingerie the women were wearing weren’t expensive; it was just that a tux might not have been such a great idea.
This is what Victor was thinking as he stood alone in the club. (if you don’t count Major Pepperidge, bubbity boo) That’s when SHE came.
Blonde curls cascaded down her bare shoulders. She wore a white dress aaaaaaaaaand my descriptions SUCK. Victor knew she had to be the one he was looking for: Pamela Anderson. Pamela glanced at the sticky cruller in his hand.
“Were you going to eat that?” Victor looked at her, then looked at the cruller.
“Vhat? Oh, um…” And then he shot her with the taser.
Dragging her body back to the van was quite an ordeal. It wasn’t as though she was too heavy for him to carry, but it was hard to do so without people noticing. “Vhat? Oh, she’s passed out.” He would say when they asked him. Thankfully, they left him alone after several million repetitions of that lie. Finally, they were in the van. Pamela started stirring when he set her down on the floor, then opened her eyes slowly.
“What’s going on?” Victor didn’t look at her.
“Ve’re kidnapping you. Don’t vorry, you’ll be safer once this is all over.” Pamela shrieked with rage.
“WHAT? You mean you’re KIDNAPPING ME!” She was quite loud. A lot of people were looking over at them. Sean waved at those people, then turned to face Pamela.
“Now Pam-“
“My name isn’t Pam.” All three of them (you forgot Major Pepperidge, didn’tcha?) stared at her.
“It…it isn’t?”
“No. My name’s Nicole. Nicole Kidman.”

* * * *

After an extra long action sequence that I REFUSE to describe, Tyler and Natalie finally managed to shut down the factory. Both escapees fell gratefully to the floor.
“FINALLY!” Tyler wheezed. Then he looked up. Temuera Morrison glared down at him.
“Suckers…”

(Yeah, crappy ending. I know. I’m tired and I’ve been online too long. Next week: “AOTC” trial and action crap, AND ANOTHER GREAT CAR CHASE! And the fight to save Puss in Cons.)