Part 29: PAUL OAKENFOLD DANCE PARTY!

(Author’s note: SORRY I HAVEN’T POSTED IN LIKE FOREVER!!!! I TRULY AM SO FLIPPING SORRY! WAAAHAHAHA! *sob* BUT I NO LONGER HAVE WRITER’S BLOCK! I HAVE A GREAT PLOT LINE THAT WILL JUST BE AWESOME! I HOPE YOU’RE PUMPED! Okay, so whenever I last posted there were all those confusing conversations, the twins met up with Moxie, and Victor, Major Pepperidge, and Sean find Victor has an evil clone that is seducing Moxie and Sean somehow knows about Natalie’s premonitions. *gasps for air* And now Natalie will go DANCE! Also, sorry this is so long.)

Stolen Movie Plot: “Attack of the Clones”, “Cinderella Story”, part of “Borat” (no gay sex or porn, tho, this being a PG-rated soap), “The Chronicles of Narnia” (holy cow), and leading up to “National Treasure” in further episodes (:O)

Everyone was still staring at Sean, who seemed oblivious to all the attention he was receiving.
“You know, the premonitions she always has.” Victor took a deep breath. He was worried the baby would reveal something important. Major Pepperidge inhaled.
“That’s right, Natalie did seem a little odd from time to time.” He looked at Sean and they winked at each other. Victor was dumbfounded.
“Vhy are you vinking?” He vhispered, I MEANT WHISPERED. The others ignored him. Sean continued.
“She had one recently…what did it say again, Major Kitty?” Major Pepperidge chuckled.
“I believe she said something…something about you, Ashes.” Ashes froze.
“What did she say about me?” Sean rubbed his chin. Victor was astounded, not realizing Sean had that much control of his hands and arms as a newborn baby.
“I REMEMBER! I think it was, ‘IF YOU CAPTURE PAMELA ANDERSON, YOU WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD.’ Yeah, that was it.” Victor glanced nervously at the evil vampire queen, but she was smiling.
“Yes…yes…it’s settled then. MAUGRIM!” The doors opened (Victor jumped; there hadn’t been doors there before. o_O) and a large gray wolf came forth, snarling viciously.
“Whaddya want?” He sounded a lot like Yosemite Sam from Looney Tunes. Ashes turned on the TV that had MAGICALLY appeared on the wall and flipped to “Baywatch”. She then pointed at Pamela Anderson running down the beach, breasts flopping.
“I want you to find her and bring her to me…alive.” Maugrim rolled his eyes, but obeyed. Ashes rubbed her neck.
“Oh, I’m SOOO tired. I need a foot massage. And a nice hunk of raw meat…” She walked out of the room, moaning softly. Victor looked at his companions in astonishment.
“Did Natalie really have a premonition like that?” Sean giggled.
“Not really. We just made that up so she’d leave us alone.” Major Pepperidge chuckled again.
“Yeah, that was great. Well, what are you waiting for, young ‘un? Hurry up, let’s go!” Victor was magically released from his bonds and walked over to the wall, where there was a picture of Pamela Anderson and gazed at it fondly. It was love at first sight (Oh, cuz I’m SURE you were looking deep into her eyes, and not her… Friends: LAUREN! That’s inappropriate! Me: HELLO! It’s PAMELA ANDERSON we’re talking about. The entire generation of teenage boys had heart attacks when her autobiography came out with a picture of her topless on the cover.).
“Ve have to save her.” Sean and the black catheadthing gaped at him.
“What?”
“Ve have to. It’s the only vay to keep her safe. And the only vay to keep her safe…vould be to capture her.”

* * * *

Natalie was still trying to figure things out.
“Okay, Chad. You know about the dance tonight.” Chad nodded. “And you’re obviously invited.” Chad looked away. “So what were you going to say about the dance?” Chad said nothing. “When is it? Has the time changed?” She took a deep breath. “Are you my secret admirer?” Chad stiffened.
“You know what, I should leave because…I’m on…yeah, you know the rest.” He scampered away (who knew grown men could scamper?). Puss shook his fist after the scampering heartthrob.
“That’s right! Run away, fool!” Natalie sighed again. She was in desperate need of female company. Suddenly, her cellphone dinged. She drew it out of her pocket and looked down.
Dance at 7 2night instd uv 11. Midl of dance flor.
Whoever had sent this message could not spell. Spirit noticed Chad in a corner on HIS cellphone, but didn’t say anything. Natalie looked at her watch.
“Oh my gosh! It’s almost 6:30.” She pondered this. “How could we have spent so much time at the mall?” Puss jumped on the table.
“Alas! We must get you a dress and get ready!” Spirit rolled his eyes.
“Yeah…sure…” He said, not half as enthusiastically. Natalie looked down at her once awesome outfit (I still love that T-shirt. It’s my favorite.) sadly.“But where am I going to get a dress in time?” Suddenly, a dress fell from the sky onto the table. It was sky blue with spaghetti straps and I can’t possibly describe clothes and all that craaaaaaaap…
Yes…this is the dress. Now I don’t have to describe it. Natalie gasped (oh my gosh, will you STOP IT?).
“Holy cow!” (you’re not the only one..) She picked it up and looked at the tag. “It’s in my size! I’m going to go change in the bathroom.” Spirit cocked his head.
“What about Moxie? You know, your best friend?” But Natalie didn’t seem to hear him. She was already running away, holding the wonderful cloud of blue material. Puss sat down.
“This should be a while…”

* * * *

Natalie stepped nervously into the club (THE VERY SAME CLUB AT WHICH TYLER HAD BEEN KIDNAPPED…before he died.), wearing her dress and a flimsy mask that was somehow able to mask her identity even tho you could totally still see her face. Puss in Converse appeared behind her, dressed as Zorro.
“Come on, we must go find your secret admirer.” A random passerby came up to them.
“I HAVE A SECRET ADMIRER? Are you Mark?” The passerby asked Puss. Puss smiled.
“Baby, for you…I could be.” Natalie grabbed him by the tail and dragged him away.
“Enough about you and more about me. Where do you think Chad, I mean, that admirer guy, is?” Puss gave her a questioning look.
“Wasn’t he meeting you in the middle of the dance floor in…2 seconds?” Natalie shrugged.
“But how will I know it’s him?”
“Just ask him to speak French. If he sounds sexy, it’s probably him.”
“Gee, thanks, Puss,” came the sarcastic reply. Natalie pushed through the crowd of really bad dancers until she was standing right underneath the shimmering disco ball. No one looked at her, seeing as they were busy dancing to Paul Oakenfold’s “Starry Eyed Surprise” (best song EVER).
Ooh, we’re gonna dance all night, dance all night to this DJ.
“Natalie?” Natalie whipped around…and groaned disappointedly.
“I KNEW it was you, Chad.” Chad shrugged.
“Actually, it’s not me, but believe what you want…” Natalie looked at him in surprise.
“Really? Then who is it…” Her voice trailed off as she beheld the tall youth with spiky hair in a tuxedo. The familiar looking youth cackled.
“Hello again, Natalie,” said Pierre Bouvier. He grabbed her wrist and handcuffed her to a pole that had MAGICALLY been conjured up. “Now, I’m going to get everyone to evacuate this building and once they do, I’m going to press this magical little button and this whole building will explode.” Natalie was still in shock and couldn’t say anything. Chad looked kind of shocked, too. Pierre slipped him a $20.
“Thanks for your help, man.” He then ushered the heartthrob out of the building, but not before he gave Natalie one last evil look. Natalie started screaming and tried to wrench her thin wrist from the handcuffs.
“SOMEONE HELP ME, THAT EVIL FRENCH CANADIAN GUY IS TRYING TO BLOW ME UP!” It wasn’t as though no one heard her. Oh no, they heard her, all right, but didn’t want to be bothered, especially after Pierre had paid them so generously. All except for one. The brave soul ran back into the club to see the screaming Natalie wrapped around the pole. He dragged her off of it and BROKE the flipping handcuffs off her wrist, revealing surprising strength.
“Come on,” He said. But his charge wasn’t listening, as she was busy screaming. So he hefted her over his broad shoulder and ran out of the building seconds before it exploded.

* * * *

Natalie awoke to find herself in a shiny silver building, sitting on a comfy bed. An old friend was sitting in a chair, wide awake. Natalie gave a little scream.
“OH MY…” The No Swearing Committee glared at her, so she revised her outburst. “Tyler…but I thought you were dead!” The Tyler look-alike gave her a look of anguish.
“I am not Tyler. I am but a clone.” Natalie drew the covers around herself protectively.
“Clone…? But…” Suddenly, the door opened. More Tylers came in, almost 2 dozen. She gulped. There before stood an army of Tyler clones.

(HAHAHAHA! YOU ALL THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BRING HIM BACK, BUT I DIDN’T! FOOLS! So, anyways, Monday: Natalie discovers the truth about the Tyler army and stuff, and…I think that’s it. Anthony Phelan guest stars.)