Part 31: SHOCKING SECRETS REVEALED (yeah right)
(Author’s note: I forgot how much I hate braces. MEEEOWCH. Anyways. So last time, Natalie was taken to the little cloning facility and I’m supposed to elaborate on that. And Mary-Kate is going around killing people in really ugly Bohemian clothes. She must die. And uh…I haven’t mentioned Moxie in a while. Cuz I really don’t know what the heck I’m going to do with her. And the twins. And the Victor clone. Soooo confused. Now today: Tyler elaboration, and Victor and everyone go to save Pamela Anderson even tho she’s currently standing right in front of Ashes and Garbanzo. Oh boy. What have I done? *makes it all a dream like in the one episode about Harry Potter which really STUNK* Maybe… I DON’T KNOW, I’M SO STUCK! Dang, being a writer is hard work.)
Stolen Movie Plot: “National Treasure”, some hospital movie, OOOH, maybe “ER”. Whatever, that’s not a movie. I knew that. No DUH.
Special Guest Stars: John Stamos??? ???????????????????????????? Wow.
Garbanzo squinted and realized the person he was staring at wasn’t Pamela Anderson at all, but Moxie. Cuz they look soooo much alike. Yeah. 0_O “Moxie?” What in the world are you doing here?” (Didn’t see that one coming) Moxie shook her head.
“Moxie? No, I’m Pamela Anderson.” Ashes’ nervous look was replaced by a confident smile.
“Well, well, then, VICTOR, I guess you DID do what I asked.” The Victor clone appeared out of nowhere and grinned in an evil but despicably attractive manner.
“It was nothing.” His British accent was gone and had been replaced by a normal voice (define normal). Suddenly, he turned a grotesque shade of orange and in 2 seconds, turned into John Stamos. Moxie screamed. John laughed.
“Surprise!” Ashes stared openly at the famous (hahaha YEAH RIGHT) actor in his sexy scrubs (cough cough). Garbanzo did the same, only with more menace behind his gaze. John ran a hand over his thick black locks.
“Sometimes my talent amazes even me.”
“What talent,” muttered Garbanzo. Suddenly, they heard a bloodcurdling cry. Ever curious, the odd group assembled outside the scene of the crime. Mary-Kate was huddled against a wall, looking frightened. Spirit had his back to her, one hoof raised in a silent threat. Chad was holding Puss in his arms, blood spilling down his shirt. He saw John and his eyes filled with hope.
“SWEET! JOHN STAMOS IS HERE!” He shoved the crumpled Puss at John. “Dude, could you save my kitty?” John froze.
“Uh, dud, all that stuff I do on ER…I’m an ACTOR, man!”
“Not a very good one,” Spirit remarked. John shot him a look, then glanced down at Puss. Even in death (BAD LAUREN! YOU’RE ABOUT TO STEAL FROM AN ORIGINAL LITERATURE DOCUMENT!), I mean, um, mortally woundedness, he was still cute. Really cute. Flipping addorable. He took a deep breath.
“All right…I’ll do it.” Everyone cheered. Suddenly, Chad and Spirit realized who John was standing with.
“Moxie? You okay?” Chad asked, ever the gentlemen. Spirit went for the more important details.
“Ashes? Garbanzo? Y’all are going down.” Ashes snorted.
“Whatever, I am totally going to put you under a spell and kill you.” This threat didn’t exactly scare anyone, seeing as it sounded like something Glinda the Good Witch would say. Speaking of Glinda the Good Witch, she is now suing us for bad publicity. But Ashes took no notice. She raised her arms…and crumpled to the ground. Krillin stood behind her, holding a frying pan and smiling like a good little blonde boy.
“That went surprisingly well.” Garbanzo stared at his son.
“KRILLIN! You have been a VERY bad boy!” He stared at his fallen fiancee. “YOU JUST KILLED MY FIANCEE!”
“Don’t worry, Dad, she’s not dead. I just knocked her out.” He received a withering look.
“Consider yourself grounded.” Krillin shook his head sadly.
“Sorry, Dad, but since you refuse to help us…” There was a loud bonging noise. Garbanzo’s eyes rolled into his head and he fell to the ground as well. Dole stood behind him, holding a second frying pan. Krillin gave his twin an approving look.
“Nice one, bro.” Dole ran a hand over his thick, golden locks.
“Thanks.” Spirit cleared his throat.
“Hello, my best friend is dying while we speak. By the way, what’s up with Moxie?” Moxie was walking in small circles. Krillin took her by the arm and shook her.
“Oy. Moxie. Wake up.” She kept walking in circles. Krillin shrugged.
“Victor, or at least, we THOUGHT it was Victor,” He and Dole shot John Stamos a dirty look. John looked unconcerned. “Injected her with some crazy juice like in that one Tintin book.” Puss woke up and pointed, his eyes wide. (You won’t get this, but it really happened. Hope my friends don’t get all mad.)
“You see that kid over there? Yeah. That kid?” He was pointing at a trashcan. “That kid’s on crack!” Suddenly, he fell back into his anemic stupor. Everyone blinked and took a large step backwards. Moxie giggled, apparently oblivious to what had just happened. (OH NO. THE GIGGLING IS BACK! AAAAAAAAAAH!)
“Hey guys. I was TOTALLY pretending I was Pamela Anderson.” No one paid any attention to her. John looked again at the sleeping cat in his arms.
“Um, I need a…big truck thing, and an uh…electro shocker…?” Chad looked unimpressed.
“An ambulance and a defibrillator?”
“YEAH, totally!” The group had forgotten Mary-Kate, who was still there and still very dangerous…
* * * *
Anthony Phelan strolled leisurely down the long white hall. Natalie couldn’t process anything besides, I am in a cloning facility, and, TYLER CLONED HIMSELF, and the ever popular, What is up with Anthony Phelan’s outfit? Anthony suddenly stopped and gestured to the large window he stood beside.
“Look at them. Aren’t they beautiful?” Natalie looked and saw little fetuses in what looked like plastic bags. There were millions of these little fetuses. What looked like a young Tyler was poking one with a stick. Anthony could tell she was confused.
“This is where our clones start. We keep them in the plastic bags for 2 weeks, and then they become like Number 4389789 over there.” The young Tyler looked up and waved at them. Natalie felt a little squeamish.
“Why is he poking it with a stick?”
“Oh, that’s how we deliver nutrients to the fetuses. The plastic bags are just for decoration.” Natalie was still grossed out, so Anthony moved on and led her to the next room.
“This is our clone school. We named it ‘The Tyler Elessar Room of Education’ after the original DNA donor.” No duh, Natalie thought. There were a bunch of little kids that looked just like Tyler reading math textbooks. Anthony smiled proudly.
“They’re very advanced for their age.” He chuckled at his own little joke. Natalie rolled her eyes.
“Before you show me the ‘advanced prototype’ or whatever you call it, just tell me one thing: why were you guys expecting me?”
“Tyler told us to expect you.” Anthony replied, avoiding the question.
“I KNOW THAT. Just…why?” Anthony shrugged nonchalantly.
“No idea. You’ll have to ask him. Oh, and tell him all 2,000,000,000,000,000 clones are ready for him.” Natalie flinched.
“I would, but…Tyler has been dead for some time.” Anthony looked surprised.
“Really? How long?”
“I don’t know, a week maybe?”
“Oh…how sad.” He didn’t sound very sad. Natalie glared at him.
“If it’s all the same to you, I’d like to leave.” The prime minister glared right back.
“Oh, if that’s what you want, I won’t keep you. Guards!” Two clones appeared. “Take her to the incinerator. Turn up the heat ALL THE WAY.” Before Natalie could protest, the clones had seized her and were dragging her to her doom. She screamed in protest. Suddenly, one of the clones had left. The other one turned her around so that she was facing him. Before he could say anything, she’d kicked him where it really hurts.
“TAKE THAT! Great, not only do I get threatened by a some stupid old Austrian dude, now I’m stuck in a cloning facility with a clone who has one heck of a sex drive. I DON’T THINK SO, MORON!” She aimed and readied herself for another kick. The clone was doubled over on the ground.
“No,” he wheezed. “You don’t get it.”
“Sure I do. You’re perverted, and I’m out of here.” She turned to leave.
“But I’m not a clone.” She stopped and stared at him. “It’s me. Tyler. I’m the real thing.”
(HA! HA HA HA! I SO TOTALLY BROUGHT HIM BACK! YESSSSSS! MY LIFE HAS MEANING AGAIN! *Hallelujah chorus* And now Agent A and I will dance a dance of victory. *singing Jump on it* Do. Do do do. Do do JUMP ON IT! JUMP ON IT! JUMP ON IT! JUMP ON IT! Thank you, Agent A. Agent A: Anytime. *leaves* ANYWAYS. Yeah. That was pretty sweet. It got me right here. I seriously started tearing up when I wrote this. KIDDING. But I was deeply moved. And I’ve found I have a disturbing love for poetry. Dang. And I need to catch up with Victor and all them. Next episode I guess, which I MIGHT write today. Cool. Next eppy: Victor goes to save Pamela Anderson, Ashes wakes up from her short coma and goes to KIDNAP Pamela Anderson, Garbanzo gets thirsty, and there will be this totally ER-like scene. We’ll see if Puss in Converse gets to survive another episode. And, the question on everybody’s lips: WILL NATALIE HOOK UP WITH TYLER? AND THE ANSWER IS…no. But at least they’re together.)
Stolen Movie Plot: “National Treasure”, some hospital movie, OOOH, maybe “ER”. Whatever, that’s not a movie. I knew that. No DUH.
Special Guest Stars: John Stamos??? ???????????????????????????? Wow.
Garbanzo squinted and realized the person he was staring at wasn’t Pamela Anderson at all, but Moxie. Cuz they look soooo much alike. Yeah. 0_O “Moxie?” What in the world are you doing here?” (Didn’t see that one coming) Moxie shook her head.
“Moxie? No, I’m Pamela Anderson.” Ashes’ nervous look was replaced by a confident smile.
“Well, well, then, VICTOR, I guess you DID do what I asked.” The Victor clone appeared out of nowhere and grinned in an evil but despicably attractive manner.
“It was nothing.” His British accent was gone and had been replaced by a normal voice (define normal). Suddenly, he turned a grotesque shade of orange and in 2 seconds, turned into John Stamos. Moxie screamed. John laughed.
“Surprise!” Ashes stared openly at the famous (hahaha YEAH RIGHT) actor in his sexy scrubs (cough cough). Garbanzo did the same, only with more menace behind his gaze. John ran a hand over his thick black locks.
“Sometimes my talent amazes even me.”
“What talent,” muttered Garbanzo. Suddenly, they heard a bloodcurdling cry. Ever curious, the odd group assembled outside the scene of the crime. Mary-Kate was huddled against a wall, looking frightened. Spirit had his back to her, one hoof raised in a silent threat. Chad was holding Puss in his arms, blood spilling down his shirt. He saw John and his eyes filled with hope.
“SWEET! JOHN STAMOS IS HERE!” He shoved the crumpled Puss at John. “Dude, could you save my kitty?” John froze.
“Uh, dud, all that stuff I do on ER…I’m an ACTOR, man!”
“Not a very good one,” Spirit remarked. John shot him a look, then glanced down at Puss. Even in death (BAD LAUREN! YOU’RE ABOUT TO STEAL FROM AN ORIGINAL LITERATURE DOCUMENT!), I mean, um, mortally woundedness, he was still cute. Really cute. Flipping addorable. He took a deep breath.
“All right…I’ll do it.” Everyone cheered. Suddenly, Chad and Spirit realized who John was standing with.
“Moxie? You okay?” Chad asked, ever the gentlemen. Spirit went for the more important details.
“Ashes? Garbanzo? Y’all are going down.” Ashes snorted.
“Whatever, I am totally going to put you under a spell and kill you.” This threat didn’t exactly scare anyone, seeing as it sounded like something Glinda the Good Witch would say. Speaking of Glinda the Good Witch, she is now suing us for bad publicity. But Ashes took no notice. She raised her arms…and crumpled to the ground. Krillin stood behind her, holding a frying pan and smiling like a good little blonde boy.
“That went surprisingly well.” Garbanzo stared at his son.
“KRILLIN! You have been a VERY bad boy!” He stared at his fallen fiancee. “YOU JUST KILLED MY FIANCEE!”
“Don’t worry, Dad, she’s not dead. I just knocked her out.” He received a withering look.
“Consider yourself grounded.” Krillin shook his head sadly.
“Sorry, Dad, but since you refuse to help us…” There was a loud bonging noise. Garbanzo’s eyes rolled into his head and he fell to the ground as well. Dole stood behind him, holding a second frying pan. Krillin gave his twin an approving look.
“Nice one, bro.” Dole ran a hand over his thick, golden locks.
“Thanks.” Spirit cleared his throat.
“Hello, my best friend is dying while we speak. By the way, what’s up with Moxie?” Moxie was walking in small circles. Krillin took her by the arm and shook her.
“Oy. Moxie. Wake up.” She kept walking in circles. Krillin shrugged.
“Victor, or at least, we THOUGHT it was Victor,” He and Dole shot John Stamos a dirty look. John looked unconcerned. “Injected her with some crazy juice like in that one Tintin book.” Puss woke up and pointed, his eyes wide. (You won’t get this, but it really happened. Hope my friends don’t get all mad.)
“You see that kid over there? Yeah. That kid?” He was pointing at a trashcan. “That kid’s on crack!” Suddenly, he fell back into his anemic stupor. Everyone blinked and took a large step backwards. Moxie giggled, apparently oblivious to what had just happened. (OH NO. THE GIGGLING IS BACK! AAAAAAAAAAH!)
“Hey guys. I was TOTALLY pretending I was Pamela Anderson.” No one paid any attention to her. John looked again at the sleeping cat in his arms.
“Um, I need a…big truck thing, and an uh…electro shocker…?” Chad looked unimpressed.
“An ambulance and a defibrillator?”
“YEAH, totally!” The group had forgotten Mary-Kate, who was still there and still very dangerous…
* * * *
Anthony Phelan strolled leisurely down the long white hall. Natalie couldn’t process anything besides, I am in a cloning facility, and, TYLER CLONED HIMSELF, and the ever popular, What is up with Anthony Phelan’s outfit? Anthony suddenly stopped and gestured to the large window he stood beside.
“Look at them. Aren’t they beautiful?” Natalie looked and saw little fetuses in what looked like plastic bags. There were millions of these little fetuses. What looked like a young Tyler was poking one with a stick. Anthony could tell she was confused.
“This is where our clones start. We keep them in the plastic bags for 2 weeks, and then they become like Number 4389789 over there.” The young Tyler looked up and waved at them. Natalie felt a little squeamish.
“Why is he poking it with a stick?”
“Oh, that’s how we deliver nutrients to the fetuses. The plastic bags are just for decoration.” Natalie was still grossed out, so Anthony moved on and led her to the next room.
“This is our clone school. We named it ‘The Tyler Elessar Room of Education’ after the original DNA donor.” No duh, Natalie thought. There were a bunch of little kids that looked just like Tyler reading math textbooks. Anthony smiled proudly.
“They’re very advanced for their age.” He chuckled at his own little joke. Natalie rolled her eyes.
“Before you show me the ‘advanced prototype’ or whatever you call it, just tell me one thing: why were you guys expecting me?”
“Tyler told us to expect you.” Anthony replied, avoiding the question.
“I KNOW THAT. Just…why?” Anthony shrugged nonchalantly.
“No idea. You’ll have to ask him. Oh, and tell him all 2,000,000,000,000,000 clones are ready for him.” Natalie flinched.
“I would, but…Tyler has been dead for some time.” Anthony looked surprised.
“Really? How long?”
“I don’t know, a week maybe?”
“Oh…how sad.” He didn’t sound very sad. Natalie glared at him.
“If it’s all the same to you, I’d like to leave.” The prime minister glared right back.
“Oh, if that’s what you want, I won’t keep you. Guards!” Two clones appeared. “Take her to the incinerator. Turn up the heat ALL THE WAY.” Before Natalie could protest, the clones had seized her and were dragging her to her doom. She screamed in protest. Suddenly, one of the clones had left. The other one turned her around so that she was facing him. Before he could say anything, she’d kicked him where it really hurts.
“TAKE THAT! Great, not only do I get threatened by a some stupid old Austrian dude, now I’m stuck in a cloning facility with a clone who has one heck of a sex drive. I DON’T THINK SO, MORON!” She aimed and readied herself for another kick. The clone was doubled over on the ground.
“No,” he wheezed. “You don’t get it.”
“Sure I do. You’re perverted, and I’m out of here.” She turned to leave.
“But I’m not a clone.” She stopped and stared at him. “It’s me. Tyler. I’m the real thing.”
(HA! HA HA HA! I SO TOTALLY BROUGHT HIM BACK! YESSSSSS! MY LIFE HAS MEANING AGAIN! *Hallelujah chorus* And now Agent A and I will dance a dance of victory. *singing Jump on it* Do. Do do do. Do do JUMP ON IT! JUMP ON IT! JUMP ON IT! JUMP ON IT! Thank you, Agent A. Agent A: Anytime. *leaves* ANYWAYS. Yeah. That was pretty sweet. It got me right here. I seriously started tearing up when I wrote this. KIDDING. But I was deeply moved. And I’ve found I have a disturbing love for poetry. Dang. And I need to catch up with Victor and all them. Next episode I guess, which I MIGHT write today. Cool. Next eppy: Victor goes to save Pamela Anderson, Ashes wakes up from her short coma and goes to KIDNAP Pamela Anderson, Garbanzo gets thirsty, and there will be this totally ER-like scene. We’ll see if Puss in Converse gets to survive another episode. And, the question on everybody’s lips: WILL NATALIE HOOK UP WITH TYLER? AND THE ANSWER IS…no. But at least they’re together.)
posted by Lauren | 12:56 PM
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