Part 20: The author ran out of [extremely dumb] witty titles

(Author's note: I STALLED SINCE FRIDAY! Whatever, sometimes I hate this soap A LOT! But whatever. It's getting good. So like LAST WEEK, Ashes was still being held at gunpoint by two evil adolescent boys and stuffs and Natalie and them got rescued from the mountains by a helicopter, but Natalie rescued the pilot, BUT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO IT IS, I had a pretty good idea, but I don't remember now... Darn.)

Stolen Movie Plot: "Willow" and something from Bill Cosby's "Revenge" album lol

Special Guest Stars: Britney Spears (don't worry, she dies) and Ahnold (OLD SCHOOL...aw, no picture, I guess....) Britney Spears screamed in agony. Who knew childbirth could be so painful? The midwife wiped some sweat off her brow.
"Honey, why did you even get pregnant then?" Britney blinked.
"Like, is there a way NOT to get pregnant?"
"Birth control..."
"Does that make the baby come out more controlled?" The midwife banged her head against the stone wall eight times. Finally, the baby popped out and started crying. Britney wept tears of joy.
"YAY, I GOT A BABY!" The midwife grabbed it.
"Quick, let's see what it is!" Britney blinked again.
"Um...a baby?" The midwife jumped and almost dropped the baby.
"Oh no...it's a boy!" Britney started sobbing.
"Oh no, not a boy, the evil dictator woman will kill him!" The midwife placed the baby in her laundry basket, covered him in rags, and ran off. Britney screamed after her, "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING, DON'T SAVE MY BABY, SAVE ME INSTEAD!" Suddenly, trumpets sounded. The Dictator Woman was coming. Britney whimpered as a formidable looking (insert descriptive feminine term here) walked into the room.
It...
was...
ASHES!!!! (dun dun dun)
The confused readers frowned.
"Hey," They complained. "Weren't you being held at gunpoint last episode?" Ashes smiled, revealing pointy teeth.
"All in good time." She turned to Britney. "Give me that baby!" Britney clutched her pillow to her chest.
"NO!" Ashes paused.
"Why are you hugging that pillow?"
"It's not a pillow, it's a baby!"
"Right. Where's the baby?"
"IN THE PILLOWCASE!" Ashes grabbed the pillow and sneered.
"WHAT BABY?" Then she noticed the absense of the midwife. "THE MIDWIFE'S GOT THE BABY, GO GET HER! OH, AND BE SURE TO SEARCH THE MIDGET VILLAGES!" Britney was jumping up and down on the bed.
"MY BABY IS PART OF A PROPHECY, ISN'T HE? HE'S GOING TO COME BACK AND FINISH YOU! HE'LL FINISH YOU!" Ashes rolled her eyes and turned to the guard standing at the door.
"Kill her."

* * * *

"YOU!" Natalie cried again. Moxie and Victor were salivating in awe. Arnold Schwarzengger smiled at them, revealing pearly white teeth.

"The state of Calleeforneea asked for me to rescue you because I am such big action hero." Moxie sighed dreamily.

"That's very nice of you, Mr. Governor of California, sir." Victor glared at this new man.

"I am from Bulgaria and I do not know of this...Arnold man. Prove you are the governor of said place." Arnold pulled out a badge that said "Governor" on it.

"There. Now get in the helicopter." The girls hopped in excitedly. Victor followed cautiously. Arnold lifted off the ground.

"I am going to drop you off in New York because it has something to do with your destiny. And I will be dropping you off by river." Moxie nodded.

"I did not understand anything you just said." Arnold just smiled and concentrated on um...piloting.

* * * *

Dole and Krillin marched through the forest, followed by a large troop of G. I. Joes. Dole turned to face his men.

"Okay, look for a scary girl with curly blondish hair and pointy teeth. Be careful: SHE BITES! MOVE OUT!"

"SIR YES SIR!" Replied the G. I. Joes and moved out. Garbanzo appeared, wearing a velvet track suit and looking very out of breath.

"Boys!" He gasped. "I really don't think this is necessary." Krillin pointed his rifle at the unfit Italian.

"Sorry Dad, but we're doing this for you." Garbanzo laughed.
"For me? But I WANT to marry Ashes!" The twins looked at each other.

"It's for your safety. We believe she's dangerous." Garbanzo laughed again.

"DANGEROUS? How?" Dole pulled out a thick book. Garbanzo read the title.

"'Vampires'?"

"Precisely. Ashes is a grade-A 100% no doubt about it son of a gun rootin tootin-" Krillin shot him a look, reminding him to keep it short. "She's a vampire. Dad, we know, we found TONS of vampires at camp!" Garbanzo looked shocked.

"WHAT?"

"Yeah, they were really dangerous. The weird thing was, they all seemed to be counselors..." Garbanzo leaned against a tree stump.

"Vampires...my fiancee is a vampire..." Krillin rolled is eyes.

"That's not as bad as what your ex-girlfriend Moxie was..." Garbanzo's head snapped up.

"What was Moxie?"

* * * *

Victor, glad to finally be out of the stupid helicopter, dived into the river. Moxie blinked.

"I didn't know there were rivers in the state of New York." Natalie shrugged.

"I dunno." Moxie didn't look convinced.

"What if he lied? What if we're really in Mississippi?" Natalie thought for a moment.

"How DO you spell Mississippi?"

"M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I." Victor and Moxie said in unison. Victor got to his feet suddenly and pointed.

"Look over there!" The girls looked. Moxie squinted.

"I don't see anything." Natalie saw it, however.

"There's a baby! And it has a leaf on its mouth!" (don't ask, it's in the movie) All three of them ran to the baby, but Natalie tripped and fell face first in the water, so Moxie and Victor got there first. Victor lifted the baby gently from the water. It looked at both Moxie and Victor with a smile on its face.

"Hello. My name is Sean Preston, and I love you both. What time would you like to wake up in the morning?" Victor shrugged.

"I don't know vhat time, maybe 7:00?" The baby smiled even wider.

"I will sleep till 8:00 and when I wake up I will not make a sound and when I'm wet I will not even cry. My name is Sean Preston and I love you both." Victor and Moxie looked at each other. Moxie coughed.

"Um...that was weird." Natalie screamed suddenly.

"AAAAAAAAAGH! SCARY LOOKING WOLF DOGS!" There were, indeed, scary looking wolf dogs standing on the opposite bank. Victor handed Moxie the baby.

"RUN!"

(MWAHAHAHA! Tomorrow: The trio is pursued by wolf dogs and Ashes goes all Sauron.)