Part 8: Do these teeth make me look fat?

(Author's note: Wow, yesterday's was actually semi good. Yay, Jocelyn reads this, too. I think. Semi-comforting thought. So yesterday the trio survived the holy hand grenade and all is well. Now they be goin shoppin. And Spikey's still working for Ashes. He needs a real name. A name like...Herbert. I CAN'T THINK OF A MOVIE PLOT! NOT NATIONAL TREASURE! Grrrr...cannot think. I could use Legally Blonde...again. AAAGH I gots one! Maybe...)

Stolen Movie Plot: "The Fellowship of the Ring" (uh-huh, you know that's right.)Surprise guest star(s): Ian Holm and Will Smith



Natalie sat among hundreds of V-neck tees (25% off, on sale) at Old Navy, waiting for Tyler and Moxie to reappear. She'd already bought a new outfit (black perfect fit tee, faded low rise jeans, black flip flops...this outfit is starting to sound familiar...) and couldn't believe how long it took for her friends to find one T-shirt. Suddenly, something caught her eye. A kind of short guy stood, looking nervous, behind a mannequin. Natalie walked over. He looked oddly familiar... She gasped in surprise.
"Uncle Wilbo?" (see, his name isn't Bilbo, it's Wilbo, so this is not plagiarism...however you silly spell that.) Wilbo jumped, then sighed in relief when he realized it was her.
"Natalie. What are you doing here?"
"I should ask you the same question! Why are you hiding behind a mannequin?" Wilbo looked around, then pulled her down next to him. Natalie hoped no one was watching.
"As I'm sure you know...today is my 57th birthday..." (Seriously, who lives to be 111, anyway?) Natalie felt guilty. She'd forgotten all about her uncle's birthday. Wilbo seemed not to notice.
"The annoying thing is my fans are going crazy, popping out of bushes and cakes to give me birthday presents! It's so annoying! I'm simply trying to find a new pair of shoes! Look at these." He pointed at his worn out Air Walks. "They're simply horrible." Natalie smiled.
"Don't worry, Uncle Wilbo. I'll go buy you some new sneakers. Consider it my birthday present to you." She rose. "What's your shoe size?" Wilbo looked grateful.
"9 1/2. (midget) I'll wait here." Natalie started to leave, then sighed.
"I can't leave, Uncle. My friends would wonder what had happened to me." Wilbo waved her off.
"I'll take care of it. Are you still hanging out with that Moxie girl?" He didn't let her answer. "You needn't worry about a thing." Natalie smiled, happy to be reassured, and went out into the mall.
As she walked among the crowds of material-obsessed consumers, she noticed a man in a black hooded cloak following her. She quickened her pace, hoping he would leave. He quickened as she did. Now she was scared. She began to run. Cloak boy started running, too. Natalie could hear him screaming now.
"Get back her, little freak! I want my ring back! Give it to me!" He had a freaky high pitched voice. Suddenly, two men in black suits (SUITS, not cloaks) came out from behind a sign telling everyone that "The Wickerman" opened on such and such a date and seized Cloak Man. Cloak man started screaming as they dragged him away. Another man in a black suit came over to her.
"Are you all right, miss?" Natalie nodded.
"I don't know why he was chasing me." The man nodded, as if he was sure she was lying.
"Mm-hm. Do you know this man?" He pulled out a picture of Wilbo. Natalie nodded slowly. "How bout this man?" He took out a picture of Elmo. This was getting weird. Again, Natalie nodded. "How about this man?" He pulled out...a picture...of...TYLER. For some reason, Natalie felt she should protect Tyler and said nothing. Agent A (NOT J! ORIGINAL, ORIGINAL!) put away the pictures. "I see." Moxie suddenly appeared and nearly tackled Natalie with a hug.
"Oh my gosh, thank God you're all right! Wilbo told us you'd left and we thought something was horribly wrong."
"I'm fine, Moxie. I was just going to Famous Footwear to buy Uncle Wilbo some new sneakers." Tyler came up behind the two girls.
"He failed to mention that," the [sexy] giant (eh, he's probably not 6'0". I can dream, can't I?) mumbled. Agent A reached for Natalie's bag.
"May I see that?" Natalie shrugged and handed it to him. Agent A sifted through it and pulled out a solid gold ring. "I believe THIS is what your pursuer was looking for." Natalie gasped.
"I've never seen that before." Moxie grinned childishly.
"It looks shiny." Tyler's eyes widened, but he said nothing. (SUSPICIOUS BEHAVIOR! WOOP WOOP WOOP!) Agent A smiled and handed the ring and the purse back to Natalie.
"Take good care of this, now, okay?" He looked at the three of them in turn. "Three companions," he said to himself. "So be it. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring." Wilbo walked up, ruining the heroic moment.
"What did I miss?" No one said anything. Wilbo smiled jovially.
"All right then. If you three would come with me, we have a birthday party to host!" Natalie took her uncle's arm. (ummmm....?)
"Where's it being held?"
"At my favorite club." Moxie's eyes narrowed.
"What club is that?" She got no answer.

(AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH THAT WAS NIFTY! Woo hoo! So yeah. NEXT WEEK, not tomorrow: Wilbo's birthday, NEW MOVIE PLOT ((duh)), and all that jazz. Garbanzo maybe, too. Hmm, sounds like fun.) Maybe someone'll get...CARDED. Awww, I just realized I didn't have Spikey/Herbert enlist the help of Pete from Fall Out Boy. I'll put that in next week's episode too. Good. We're all settled.)